Mad Dog Lane
by kiki399
Summary: Answer to Challenge 10. Lois confronts Lana. Minor Clois implied.


**Mad Dog Lane-Challenge #10**

* * *

"Hold your horses, I'm coming!"

The banging continued.

Chloe threw open the door. "Lois? What the hell? Don't you have a key?"

"I forgot it. But we need to go to Smallville, right now."

"What's wrong? You look ready to kill someone...oh no, did Duncan make another move? You promised me you wouldn't use force—"

"Chloe! It's not Duncan, or Luke or any other male. I've decided it's time to kick Lana Lang's scrawny ass back to reality - literally."

Chloe laughed. "And Mad Dog Lane emerges."

Lois narrowed her eyes.

"Sorry. Tell me what happened?"

"Let's just say I've kept my mouth shut long enough. I've watched her treat you and Clark like garbage for two years, and now she's brought me into the soap opera, and I'm not a pushover like you and Clark."

"This is about Clark, isn't it? You two have been almost inseparable this last year."

"No it's not...totally. He's a big boy; he doesn't need me to fight his fights. This has more to do with what the Pink Power Ranger has been saying about me."

"You know, that nickname totally wrecks our _Felicity_ marathons."

"No kidding, never did like Julie."

"Now please tell me you aren't going to go confront Lana right now. Wait till she's back from Smallville."

"Sorry, right now. She should be at Lex's place. If not, well, I don't mind an audience."

Chloe groaned. "Lois, no. This will be bad, very, very bad. Smallville is small, people talk...and Clark is there visiting his parents, you know that."

"Martha invited both of us up for the weekend. Jonathan and I have--"

"Lois, answer me."

"Chloe, nothing I could say is going to change how you feel, and nothing could come out of your reaction that is going to change what I plan to do. So, I prefer to say nothing."

"That's what you call saying nothing?

"Uh huh."

"I can't believe you're really going to do this."

"Really? It sounds exactly like something I'd do."

"Not funny. Lana's not going to know what hit her, and I'm going to witness the massacre."

"C'mon cous', let's go hunting."

"For what exactly?"

"A little pink wabbit."

"That was lame."

Lois shrugged. "I was trying for humor. Hard to achieve when my blood is boiling."

"Oh, well in that case, good try."

"Thanks."

"Nice one Lois."

"What?"

"You know, you'll lie, cheat and steal to get what you want, but you're incapable of kissing a little ass to get in the Luthor mansion?"

"Hey, we all have our limitations, and how was I to know that Lana had worked her witchly charms on the doorman? We'll think of something else."

"Uh, huh. So what's your next idea Xena? Some metal breast plates and head butts and you're in?"

"You forgot the battle cry. Nope, new plan of attack Gabrielle. Let's get you a stick and head for the Talon."

Chloe just shook her head; she knew there was no point arguing when her cousin got like this.

"Yup, there's the little hussy. Ready Gabby?"

"Enough with the nicknames. Lois, do not start anything here. Mrs. Kent is in there working and Clark and Mr. Kent are sitting right there, and so are half the citizens of Smallville."

Lois flashed her an innocent smile. "Relax. I can play nice."

Chloe snorted. "I've seen your version of nice."

They walked in, the bell on the door alerting the patrons to their presence.

Clark lit up. "Chloe, you decided to come." He hugged her, then turned to Lois. "Everything okay?"

"Things are great Smallville. Glad to be back."

He grinned. "You just like making me suffer on the couch."

She matched his smile. "In more ways then one," she whispered.

He gave her a warm hug, prolonging their contact for an extra beat. She broke their embrace and went to greet Jonathan.

They all sat at the corner table, waiting for Martha to bring over treats.

Lois caught Lana's eye and smiled. She stood up. "I'll be right back."

Chloe's head shot up. "You said you wouldn't make a scene."

Clark caught on quickly. "Lois we discussed this last night, don't—"

"Relax you two, now if you'll excuse me…"

Jonathan looked from Clark and Chloe to Lois. "Am I missing something?"

Clark groaned.

"Well, Mr. Kent you're about to find out."

They turned and watched Lois smile sweetly at Lana.

"Hi Lana, this seat taken?"

"Actually—"

"Great thanks. Now I'm not one for pleasantries so let's get down to it." Lois flipped open her menu.

Lana squirmed uncomfortably for a minute before speaking. "Lois? You're reading the menu."

"And you're calling attention to your plight as Clark Kent's poor, mistreated ex-girlfriend by sitting alone gazing sadly in his direction. Oh, I'm sorry – I thought we were having a 'state the obvious' contest. I'm competitive by nature."

"That's uncalled for. You come to my table and start insulting me—"

"You're right, that wasn't very polite. Bad Lois. But I think this is called for. You have some nerve to use me as your excuse for kicking Clark to the curb, and then continuing to lament to anyone who'll listen how we've destroyed your life. You use people when you want something. You're a whinny immature little brat."

"This coming from you Lois? You're really one to talk. Since you've come to Smallville you've had a chip on your shoulder. You're cold, uncaring, sarcastic and rude."

"Please – don't put me on a pedestal."

"Believe it or not I'll always love Clark—"

"You certainly love saying it, but never once have you done anything to prove it. Talk is cheap Lana. And your actions have only proven you to be a selfish, manipulative bitch. You used Clark; you got tired of him not telling you every damn thing or lavishing all his attention on you so you got bored and turned to Lex."

"You can blame me for breaking Clark's heart, but we both know that's not the case. For me to have broken it, it would have had to belong to me in the first place."

"Oh my god. Will you get over that idea. Clark and I are _not_ together. You see me as competition because deep down you know you aren't good enough, or strong enough to love him. You know he'd tire of you, and quickly. And then you would have no one to idolize the ground you walk on."

"That is _not_ true. Fine, Lois deny your relationship with Clark all you like, but you know there's a thin line between love and hate."

Lois laughed. "You mean like you and Lex? Sorry honey, there is _no_ line between love and hate, just a Great Wall of China with hundreds of armed ninjas every 10 feet. I almost feel sorry for you if you believe that."

"You think I'm crazy for dating Lex."

"Well yah, but that's not the problem. If you blame me or Clark or Chloe for your bad judgement, I will make your life hell. No more getting Lex and his goons to intimidate or threaten us. I don't take kindly to threats. I tend to get a little angry, and violent."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Nope, I'm promising you."

Lois stood up and stretched languidly. "Now why don't you run along to your dark mansion Princess and cry to Lex. None of us want anything to do with you."

Lana jumped out of her chair, fire in her eyes. She pulled her fist back and took a swing at Lois, who easily moved aside.

"Lana, calm down, the whole place is watching."

Lana looked around. Lois was right, the place was eerily silent, all eyes were on them.

Lana blushed, humiliated. She turned back to Lois who didn't seem the least bit bothered at being the centre of attention.

"I hope Clark breaks your heart like he did mine. And Lois, you will never be good enough for him."

Lois smiled sympathetically. "I hope you grow up Lana. You're just a lost little girl, relying on men to protect you. That's a tough way to live." She walked back to her table, not bothering to look back.

Lana was shaking and confused. She quickly escaped out the door and opened her cell phone to call Lex. She hesitated for a second as Lois' words rung in her ears. She shook her head, allowing her anger to return with a vengeance. She punched in the familiar number. "Lex?"

Lois flopped down at the table. "Anyone else starving?"

They all watched her silently.

She grimaced, before regaining her bravo. "I'm not sorry. Someone needed to do it. Maybe one day she'll thank me…or not."

Jonathan just shook his head. "I pity anyone who gets on your bad side Lois." He stood up and squeezed her shoulder. "Next time you need to confront someone, it'd probably be better to do it in private. Now Martha and I have dinner reservations. You kids behave."

Lois looked up guiltily. Martha couldn't help but smile. She winked at Lois as she grabbed her husband.

Lois turned back to Chloe and Clark, neither of who seemed particularly impressed.

She sighed. "Fine, I'll never do it again."

"Yes you will!"

"All the more reason this impending discussion is pointless."

Clark and Chloe glared at her.

"Alright, alright. Can we get this lecture over with because…well, I guess I don't have anything to do at the farm. Take your time."

Clark looked at Chloe. "Do you mind if I take Lois home? I think we're going to need a little privacy," he said, gesturing to the curious faces watching them.

Chloe nodded. "Not a problem. I'm going to go see my dad. I'll see you guys tomorrow morning. Please don't kill each other."

She hugged both of them and left.

Clark didn't say a word as they drove home. Lois could feel herself growing nervous. He was usually so easy to read, but right now she had no idea what he was thinking. Maybe she should have minded her own business… "Clark?"

"What?"

"Maybe…well, maybe I shouldn't have said some of the stuff I said."

He pulled into the driveway and parked. "Do you regret it?"

They got out of the car and walked to the front door.

"No."

"Good, because as mad as I should be at you right now – that was the sexiest thing I've ever seen."

Lois' jaw hit the floor.

Clark laughed. A speechless Lois was rare indeed.

She shook her head. "That is such a guy thing to say… hey, Clark?"

"Yah?"

"Make a note, I should never doubt myself."

"Some how I think you'll remember."

She looked up at him grinning. He had a point. He leaned down and kissed her lightly on the lips.

"What was that for?"

"For trying to defend me, even if it was unnecessary."

She grabbed his arm and dragged him into the house. "That's what friends are for. You can repay me by making me one of your famous turkey sandwiches. I never did get to eat. I'm ravenous."

**The End.**

**A/N:** _So, what did you think?_ _Feedback please?_


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